


Sleep is Boring

by Kryptaria



Series: If You Were... 'verse outtakes and cut scenes [9]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Dom!John, If You Were 'verse, If You Were Mine outtake, M/M, Sherlock is stubborn, Sleep is boring, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-05
Updated: 2012-07-05
Packaged: 2017-11-09 05:21:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/451802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kryptaria/pseuds/Kryptaria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Once again, it falls to John to use texts to keep Sherlock from killing himself, this time by sleep deprivation. Too bad John types so slowly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sleep is Boring

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mitaya](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mitaya/gifts).



> By request, another **If You Were Mine** outtake!
> 
> If you're new to the 'verse, please check out the guide at http://kryptaria.dreamwidth.org/3799.html or look here on AO3 for the If You Were... 'verse collection.

**Friday, 19 February 2010**

_Sent 4:09 a.m.: Lestrade has kidnapping. Am going to scene of disappearance. -SH_

_Sent 5:50 a.m.: Locked doors and windows, alarm system engaged. Best sort of mystery. -SH_

_Sent 6:16 a.m.: No attic access. No alcoves. -SH_

_Sent 6:18 a.m.: Closed-up door behind panel. Will have splinters removed after. -SH_

_Sent 9:43 a.m.: Splinters removed. Found dirt. -SH_

_Sent 9:44 a.m.: Dirt from kidnapper. Splinters were clean. -SH_

_Sent 1:30 p.m.: Dirt inconclusive. Sterilized? Potting soil. -SH_

_Sent 1:34 p.m.: Where is potting soil sold? -SH_

_Sent 7:15 p.m.: Not potting soil. Sterile hothouse soil. Agricultural research. Checking local colleges. -SH_

 

**Saturday, 20 February 2010**

_Sent 10:20 a.m.: Out of jail. Headmaster obstinate and stupid, but listened to Lestrade. -SH_

_Sent 10:24 a.m.: Lestrade took my false ID. Inconvenient. I took his warrant card. -SH_

_Received 11:05 a.m.: What have you done? Sherlock, why were you in jail? -JW_

_Sent 11:06 a.m.: Chasing suspect. Will respond later. -SH_

_Sent 11:19 a.m.: Lost suspect. Should splinter wounds still hurt? -SH_

_Received 11:22 a.m.: Jail, Sherlock. Why?_

_Sent 11:31 a.m.: Checking hothouse soil samples at the Fitton agricultural college. -SH_

_Received 11:34 a.m.: Fitton? Why aren’t you in London? Splinters hurt. Are they infected? -JW_

_Sent 11:36 a.m.: The family is from Fitton. Most logical starting place. How would I know? -SH_

_Sent 11:37 a.m.: About the infection. -SH_

_Received 11:40 a.m.: Send me a picture._

_Sent 11:41 a.m.: Of the college? I left. Getting on the train shortly. Reception may be spotty. -SH_

_Received 11:45 a.m.: Of the splinters. Don’t be stubborn, Sherlock. -JW_

_Sent 11:50 a.m.: [Photo attached] I’m sorry the lighting is bad. -SH_

_Received 11:56 a.m.: It looks fine. Wash with soap and water, dry thoroughly, apply fresh plasters. And don’t DO anything. -JW_

_Sent 11:58 a.m.: Yes, John. -SH_

_Sent 8:15 p.m.: Samples match. Suspect janitor at college targeted mother, took daughter for resemblance. Hid in the carport. -SH_

_Received 8:20 p.m.: Did you do as I said about the splinters? -JW_

_Sent 8:22 p.m.: Yes. And I wore gloves for the soil analysis. -SH_

_Received 8:24 p.m.: Good. I’ll be busy tonight. Wish the police good luck. You aren’t to go after the suspect alone. Understand? -JW_

_Sent 8:25 p.m.: Yes, John. -SH_

_Sent 10:22 p.m.: Suspect not at house. Police too stupid to think of the school dorms. I told them. -SH_

_Sent 11:55 p.m.: Suspect at school dorms, in basement. Victim returned to parents. -SH_

 

**Sunday, 21 February 2010**

_Sent 12:25 a.m.: I know horses. None are pink. -SH_

_Sent 12:27 a.m.: [Photo attached] And none have sparkles. Attempting to explain this to the victim. -SH_

_Sent 12:45 a.m.: Victim calls it Twilight Sparkle. Insists I take it. What do I do? -SH_

_Sent 12:51 a.m.: John? What do I do? It’s revolting. -SH_

_Sent 3:19 a.m.: Twilight Sparkle horse is affixed atop Lestrade’s door. Should take at least a week for him to notice. -SH_

_Sent 3:25 a.m.: Office door. -SH_

_Sent 3:26 a.m.: At Scotland Yard. It really is an unnatural shade of pink. And purple. -SH_

_Sent 3:33 a.m.: The mane and tail are purple. -SH_

_Received 4:00 a.m.: Are you all right, Sherlock? -JW_

_Sent 4:02 a.m.: Fine. I’m fine. -SH_

_Sent 4:03 a.m.: I used glue, not sellotape. -SH_

_Received 4:06 a.m.: You’re not feeling odd, then? -JW_

_Sent 4:06 a.m.: Glue. Horses. I should have used pink glue. Have seen it sold in stores before. -SH_

_Sent 4:07 a.m.: No. -SH_

_Sent 4:08 a.m.: Not feeling odd. I did use glue. White glue. -SH_

_Received 4:12 a.m.: Where are you now?_

_Sent 4:13 a.m.: NSY break room. Stole case files. Am solving EVERYTHING. -SH_

_Received 4:22 a.m.: When did you last sleep? -JW_

_Sent 4:24 a.m.: Sleep is boring. -SH_

_Received 4:25 a.m.: That isn’t what I asked, Sherlock._

_Sent 4:26 a.m.: What day is it? I’ll ask someone. Hold._

_Received 4:28 a.m.: Sunday._

_Received 4:29 a.m.: Very early Sunday morning._

_Received 4:33 a.m.: Sherlock?_

_Received 4:38 a.m.: Have you slept AT ALL since this case started on Thursday night?_

_Received 4:40 a.m.: Sherlock, answer me._

_Sent 4:43 a.m.: NSY deserted. Confirmed it’s Sunday. Did the case start Thursday? -SH_

_Received 4:45 a.m.: Well, very early Friday morning. That’s when you first told me you were investigating. Have you slept since then? -JW_

_Sent 4:46 a.m.: Solved the case. No time for sleep. -SH_

_Received 4:51 a.m.: But you’re done with the case now, so you WILL go to sleep. Understand?_

_Sent 4:53 a.m.: Can’t. There are more cases. -SH_

_Sent 4:54 a.m.: Sleep is boring. -SH_

_Sent 4:56 a.m.: These are cold cases. The idiots will never solve them. -SH_

_Sent 4:58 a.m.: Without me. I can solve anything. -SH_

_Received 4:58 a.m.: Sherlock, I want you to stop texting except when you’re answering me. Do you understand?_

_Sent 5:03 a.m.: Yes, John. -SH_

_Sent 5:04 a.m.: Or should that just be yes?_

_Sent 5:04 a.m.: Yes._

_Received 5:08 a.m.: It’s fine. I want you to take the phone and go find an officer. Tell the officer that your doctor says you need to go home right now. It’s a medical emergency. Understand?_

_Sent 5:09 a.m.: No._

_Sent 5:10 a.m.: Well, yes. Obviously. It’s simple. But why? -SH_

_Sent 5:10 a.m.: Yes._

_Received 5:13 a.m.: Are you doing as I said or are you trying to figure out how to respond properly?_

_Sent 5:13 a.m.: Yes._

_Sent 5:14 a.m.: To both._

_Received 5:20 a.m.: Show this text to the officer. This is Dr. J. Watson. Sherlock is suffering from extreme sleep deprivation. He must be safely escorted to 221-B Baker -continued_

_Received 5:24 a.m.: 221-B Baker Street. Do not take him anywhere else. Do not stop anywhere on the way. Do not give him stimulants, including nicotine or caffeine. -continued_

_Sent 5:26 a.m.: You need to learn to text faster. Would you like me to teach you? -SH_

_Received 5:27 a.m.: If you have any difficulty with him, you are authorized to call emergency personnel to take him to A &E. Thank you for your assistance._

_Sent 5:40 a.m.: They’re taking me home. -SH_

_Sent 5:42 a.m.: Can I type now? -SH_

_Sent 5:48 a.m.: I hate police cars. -SH_

_Received 5:50 a.m.: It’s fine, Sherlock. You just need some sleep. Don’t worry. I’ll stay with you until you fall asleep. -JW_

_Sent 5:51 a.m.: Police cars are more boring than sleep. -SH_

_Received 5:53 a.m.: Sleep isn’t boring. -JW_

_Sent 5:53 a.m.: Is. -SH_

_Received 5:54 a.m.: If you were mine, I’d make you sleep. -JW_

_Sent 5:55 a.m.: How? -SH_

_Received 5:57 a.m.: Exactly how I’m doing it now. I’d tell you to sleep, and you would, for me. -JW_

_Sent 5:58 a.m.: You said you’d stay with me. ??? -SH_

_Received 6:01 a.m.: I will. I’ll be right here. But that doesn’t mean you can keep texting me just to make certain. -JW_

_Sent 6:02 a.m.: No proof, then. -SH_

_Received 6:04 a.m.: Do you need proof from me? -JW_

_Sent 6:10 a.m.: No. It’s not very logical, though, is it? -SH_

_Received 6:12 a.m.: Does it have to be? -JW_

_Sent 6:15 a.m.: Yes. But it isn’t. -SH_

_Received 6:20 a.m.: Because you know I’ll be here for you. You don’t need proof. Logic has nothing to do with it. -JW_

_Received 6:24 a.m.: You need sleep. -JW_

_Sent 6:25 a.m.: Am almost home. -SH_

_Received 6:27 a.m.: Will you sleep? -JW_

_Sent 6:28 a.m.: Rather stay here. -SH_

_Sent 6:29 a.m.: Not in the police car. Texting. -SH_

_Received 6:33 a.m.: Are you home? -JW_

_Sent 6:34 a.m.: Yes. -SH_

_Received 6:35 a.m.: Will you sleep? -JW_

_Sent 6:36 a.m.: If you insist. -SH_

_Received 6:39 a.m.: I’m not going to ask again, Sherlock._

_Sent  6:40 a.m.: Yes, John. -SH_

_Received 6:43: a.m.: Thank you, Sherlock. Sleep well. -JW_


End file.
